The Kitchen Diaries — Motel 6 Evacuation Scenario/Test Run

Me: (Pointing at the woman in the car) She’s a screamer, and we’re here to fuck. And by screamer I mean “SWAT team, hostage negotiator screamer.”

Motel 6 Dude: First floor, end of the hall and no guests for four rooms down until 6 PM.

Me: (Taking the key and walking away) Thanks. The shit you have to say to sneak the dogs in and get some peace and quiet at these shit-holes.

Mom (On the still open phone line): Back in the day I was a screamer.

Me: NO, NO, NO! Ewwww! Fucking TMI. I didn’t need to know that.

Mom: Maybe I’ll get lucky and some big, Idrissa Elba looking black man will sweep me off my feet, and I’ll have to send you and the dogs on a drive-thru run.

Me: (Getting in the car): Trust me when I say you don’t want to find love at the Motel 6.