But I’m Portuguese To use the common parlance, Bert and Earnie were beat the fuck up. They were sitting at Brews and Cues, a known Raider Nation sports bar/pool hall, with Donald and several other of their Raider Nation friends and family. One side of the joint was a converted…

Imagine you’re all ‘roided out and pumped up to do battle, and when it comes down to it, your actual ideological nemesis (the libtard) is some nice, old hippy lady at the local gay owned coffee house who really wants you to have single payer health care, better/less expensive education…

I’m growing to hate Jill Scott and Nationwide Insurance. I have the cheap version of the streaming services, so I have to get hit with commercials every 10 minutes, and it seems that every time I have to listen to what is the biggest disjointed ad copy of a song…

Me: (Pointing at the woman in the car) She’s a screamer, and we’re here to fuck. And by screamer I mean “SWAT team, hostage negotiator screamer.” Motel 6 Dude: First floor, end of the hall and no guests for four rooms down until 6 PM. Me: (Taking the key and…

I may be reading this wrong, as I’m only catching bits of it as I pass by to take the dogs out to pee, make coffee, and breakfast, but the plot to this Hallmark Channel movie my mom is watching seems to be “What will the rich white school’s basketball…

While taking a dump today, I thought about someone I haven’t thought about in years, Andrew “Dice” Clay. You can’t understand the 1980s unless you understand “The Dice Man.” Described as “Fonzie with Tourette’s,” at the height of his career, this comedian packed venues like Madison Square Garden for multiple…

Dream One: Dad somehow kept buying items from “How It’s Made,” some of them quite large and industrial: a full order of 20 foot iron sewer pipes sitting in our long driveway, a pill dispenser built for a full service pharmacy, a jet turbofan engine for a Harrier Jump Jet…

Me: (holding a piece of mail): What’s the (NAME REDACTED) Company? Mom: (playfully scratching the dogs): Oh, it was a stupid little fund they used to take from my paycheck and put away. Me: You mean a 401K? Mom: No. We already cashed that out once the market came back…

Poker tournaments are so weird. First off, it’s one of three sports/games that allow drinking and have cocktail waitresses, with poker being the only one to allow drinking during tournament play. Even the golfers and bowlers have to sober up to play the pro sports. With poker, you have millionaires…